In the past weeks I started to observe a behavior in myself that I loathed. Mentally I wasn’t in a good place, procrastinating, spending days in my bed watching movies and when I was around I felt very uncomfortable in my own body. And with this came something else: judgement. Not only of myself, but of others. I would judge how they dressed, how they looked, their physique, what they do, how they live, how they speak and where they go.
Don’t get me wrong, I hate being like that. I love diversity and getting to know people who are different, that’s the essence of why I travel. Different cultures, people and surroundings help us grow and understand and in the end become LESS judgemental. So what went wrong?
As always, when I feel uncertain about something, I ask the internet. We’re never alone with our problems, and to gain perspective on my own, I like to read about other experiences. Then I took, what I read and observed my judgement.
Why am I thinking that? How does this persons choice make me feel about myself and why is that?
How did I feel before the situation?
Find your insecurities
Ok, here’s the hard truth I found: it’s my own insecurities. Always. A L W A Y S . When I don’t feel good about my body, maybe because of a recent acne breakout, I judge other peoples appearances. When I haven’t worked out again I judge someone who doesn’t work out. When I doubt my lifestyle choice, living abroad and traveling, I judge someone for staying in a 9-5 job.
Some sources suggested to try to understand the others, the ones I’m judging. I don’t agree. MY judgement does not come from their choices or circumstances, and it won’t go away by understanding them.
So what’s my solution?
Back to Self Love Boot Camp
I found out when and why I judge others, the next step was to find out when in the past I didn’t and what was different.
That means going back to Self Love Boot Camp:
Only 20 minutes of Instagram every day
The less time I have to see others and how they are doing, the less time I have to evaluate and compare it to my state of being. And yes, comparison IS the thief of joy.
Writing helps me to get thoughts out of my head, and as soon as it’s on a piece of paper I can stop thinking about it. This is especially helpful with negative thoughts and doubts.
I have this tiny notebook, filled with colorful pages with me all the time to start scribbling every moment, but you can also use your phone or ask the waiter for a piece of paper and a pen.
„I love myself“
Telling myself I love myself. Every day, every minute, all the time. Love yourself like your life depends on it was one of the most helpful books I’ve ever read on the topic and I might just read it again, once I’m finished with this.
Count your blessings
In those minutes waiting (in the supermarket, on the train, for the class to start) instead of scrolling aimlessly through various Social Media Apps, think about everything you’re grateful or happy about. You can start with your breakfast, the cup of coffee, your legs for carrying you places without even thinking about it, a good book, just make a list in your head. Don’t stop before you found at least 15, keep going until the time is out.
It is always hard to notice a behavior in yourself that you don’t like and it’s even harder to accept it, without making it worse. I hope with these little tools I’ll be able to let go of my judgement, any maybe it will help one of you too.